That's intense
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
