you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
