she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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