yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
