hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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