i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
