I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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