You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
