he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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