Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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