I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
