pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Floor bacon is actually really good
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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