belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
