This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
