I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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