It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
