I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
