just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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