he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
