Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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