Quick, to the slutcave!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So here I am, sexting at work.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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