she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
