what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
