Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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