and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
