i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
