like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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