Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
