How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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