I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize