i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
