You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
