Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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