I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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