Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
