Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
