i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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