I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
