Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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