yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
