I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
