ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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