And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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