u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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