It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
