How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
