Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
