this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
