Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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