they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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