If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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