and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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