Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
operation have a gay friend backfired
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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