lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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