normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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