Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
