Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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