Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
