there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
