Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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