The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
