Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
