I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
