you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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