My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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