Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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