Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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