she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
