we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
