So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
