O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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