Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
