I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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