I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
