can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
