I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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