was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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