Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
