Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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