Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
