there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
