There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
