So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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