the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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